Disability Power Series Featuring Dior Vargas

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Welcome everyone.

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Thank you for joining Disability Lead for the return of our Disability Power series.

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I'm Claire Kelly, the education and learning services manager here at Disability Lead.

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I use she her pronouns and I'm a late 30s white woman with brown, slightly Gray hair.

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So in just a moment, our featured guests will share her experiences and insights with us and we'll follow that with a a live fireside chat and Q&A session.

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You can do that at any point throughout the program and we'll get to as many of those questions as possible during our allotted Q and A portion.

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At this time, I am thrilled to welcome our featured guest for today, self-described queer Latina feminist and mental health activist.

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I'd like love to invite Dior Vargas to join me on screen.

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Dior works with universities and corporations to discuss self-care, advocacy, Wellness, accessibility, and diversity within mental health.

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Welcome Dior.

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Thanks for being with us.

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Dior is the creator of the People of Color and Mental Illness Photo Project, a response to the invisibility of BIPOC in the media representation of mental illness.

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She is also the editor of The Color of My Mind, a book based on the photo Project.

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Dior has received numerous awards, including the White House Champion of Change for Disability Advocacy across generations under the Obama administration.

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Dior deliver speaking engagements across the country and her work and insight have been covered in media outlets such as the New York Times, Forbes, Newsweek, and NBC News Latino.

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She was listed in the City and State Mental Health Power 50 list and was featured in the CBS special Essential Heroes, a Memento Latino event.

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So on the heels of July, which was Disability Pride Month and BIPOC Mental Health Awareness Month, it's an absolute honor for us to share this space with Dior.

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Dior, again, thank you for being with us and for sharing your story with us.

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And I look forward to rejoining you here on screen for our fireside chat after we hear more about you.

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OK, thank you so much.

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And so I'm a light skinned Latina with a black T-shirt and my hair is highlighted in a lighter blonde and I'm wearing white headphones.

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And right, so let's get started.

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So I just wanted to share more about where I come from because usually when it comes to these presentations, it's about our accolades, our what our resume is.

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And so I think that because my work is connected to my lived experience, that it's important for you all to know where I come from and what has really influenced my work and my activism.

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So these images here are of East or E Harlem or Spanish Harlem.

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And this is where I grew up in the 90s.

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And you can see that it's a very Latin a neighborhood.

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The first image is around on and 10th St.

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the in New York City.

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The second image is of 116th St.

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and I usually would go to the coutier Fritos in the image on the right.

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So it was something that I always remember doing when I was younger.

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So this is a photo of my grandparents and you can see that my sister is next to me and they are my both my grandparents and my sister are a really huge part of who I am.

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My grandfather and my grandmother practically raised me when my mother was a single parent.

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They actually lived on the 12th floor in our building and we lived on the 18th floor of our building and I still live in that building today.

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So they pretty much made me who I am and have instilled so many important values.

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And I think that when we're talking about things that we've experienced, when we're talking about mental health, when we're talking about childhood experiences and we're, we sometimes we talk about risk factors.

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And I think that for me, on the opposite side, the protective factors that I had in my life were my grandparents.

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They were the one that provided the most stability in my life and possibly expressed love to my sister and I.

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This is a photo of my biological father holding me.

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I think it was my first birthday, but maybe, maybe I was older.

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It's hard to tell how old I was back then.

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And my parents had a fraught relationship.

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There was a lot of domestic violence.

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We were on welfare, unfortunately, and so I felt very sad all the time.

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He had left when I was around six years old and I thought it was something that maybe I did and I saw a lot of fighting and strife and that really made it overwhelming for me as a child.

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My mother here and I'm, she's in Central Park and basically she stayed and took care of my sister and I.

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I don't have a perfect relationship.

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I don't think anyone does have a perfect relationship with their parents.

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But she is also someone that I look out for who I try to get support on.

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But I'll tell you later on in the presentation why I had some difficulties when it came to my mental health.

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So this is a photo of a diary entry that I wrote in 95.

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So I think I was 7 or 8 years old and I was very depressed because my father had left home and my mother was very depressed and it was just very hard financially for us.

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And so because I was depressed, I didn't want to live anymore.

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I was experiencing suicidal, suicidal ideation very early on in my life.

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And so it was then where I was irritable.

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I was probably had an attitude when I was younger and I was just extremely unhappy.

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And I felt like I couldn't be open because it was not something that we spoke about in our household, but it was also something that culturally we just don't particularly believe in.

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When I was almost 18 years old, I attempted to end my life.

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Of course, that was several years prior that I was constantly trying to end my life.

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When I was 11 is when I first attempted, and then it wasn't until I was almost 18 when I attempted last time.

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So it was just a lot of different attempts because I didn't know how else to deal.

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I didn't have any effective or in general any coping skills.

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And so this is a photo of the entrance to the psychiatric ward where I was placed because the attempt actually led to me feeling ill.

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And so that's when my mom and my stepdad ended up taking me to the emergency room.

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It was a very interesting experience for me because after trying to end my life for so long and then finally coming to terms, but also having to deal with the consequences, it was a lot for me to deal with.

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And I was, although myself, I didn't know anyone, I was always with my family.

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This was also after my first year of college.

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So I went away for my family to go to college.

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And so it was during that spring, summer time when I ended up there.

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And so I had had a rough time when I was in college away in Massachusetts, and it was just too much for me to deal.

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And so that's when I found myself in the psychiatric ward.

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And it's funny how trauma causes you to forget some things because I don't recall if I was there for a week, two weeks.

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I'm, I'm not entirely sure how long I was there for, but it was interesting because at the end of it, I didn't want to leave.

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I've been wanting to leave the entire time.

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And then once I was able to, I felt that that was the only place that I had felt not seen.

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But I felt like I wasn't the only one going through mental health issues.

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And so that was very overwhelming and confusing for me.

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This is a photo of my grandfather.

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When he was younger, he came to this family.

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Sorry.

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He came to this country when he was 18 years old from Ecuador and he only had a third grade education.

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When he was growing up in Ecuador, he would walk around barefoot.

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He would go out into the streets trying to make any money that he could to help his family.

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And so growing up from an immigrant family, you are told certain stories and those stories stick with you.

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And while I wish I had thought that this was a a story that I could use to encourage myself to get a sense of pride from and also to feel more connected to him, it ended up making me feel like, how could I feel depressed?

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How could I try to end my life when my grandfather went through so much?

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And so it just added an additional layer of shame to what I was experiencing.

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My grandparents, they actually both passed in 2022 and 2023.

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That was a lot to breathe.

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It was something that I wasn't expecting, especially given that they were, they weren't old, at least for me.

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My grandfather was 76, my grandmother was 82.

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My grandmother had Alzheimer's.

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They both also had cancer.

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And so grief is is very interesting, something that I'm still trying to grapple with, trying to see how to move forward.

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So I think this whole conversation is vulnerable, but I think particularly this part is what is makes me the most vulnerable given that it it happened so recently.

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So when it came to confronting my mental health, it it took me a while given all of the things that I've just shared.

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I didn't want to bother anyone given that we were on welfare for a period of time, worrying about having my family be OK, having my family put food on the table.

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I just thought that it was something that I could not share with them because I didn't want to burden them.

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But when I was placed in the psychiatric ward, that was a turning point and I decided that I didn't want to be a side character.

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I wanted to be the main character in my story and actually take some action and really make decisions for myself.

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So I had to start a process, which I didn't expect it that it was going to be a process when it came to actually advocating for my mental health and also trying to seek therapy and medication.

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So one thing that I did learn, especially given my relationship with my mother, anytime that I wanted permission to do anything, you would always ask for so many details.

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And so when it came to requesting for support and help with accessing mental health care, I knew that I had to educate myself.

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I knew that I had to have all the information I could about what I was experiencing.

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I had started doing some research in high school about depression because that was something that I believed I had and based on my symptoms.

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And so usually when I have a conversation with my mother, she will always have a rebuttal.

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So when I got all the information I could about the specific mental illness or mental health condition, when it came to what types of therapy there are or medication, and then also having to ask her for information about the health insurance that I was covered under.

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So when I was able to really have all that information, I felt that I could better advocate for myself.

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And so once I had all of that information, I decided that I needed to prepare.

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I ended up writing down a script.

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I started writing down things that she would potentially say, very most likely say.

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And so I was always ready for a comeback.

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And it just helped me be more confident because if I didn't prepare, I would have been unsure of myself.

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I probably would have stumbled upon my words.

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And so I just didn't want to give her any sense that I wasn't sure about what I was saying.

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And I think in general and when it comes to to any experience, I think that it's important that we speak up, that we share these feelings.

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I had to, when I did get to see a therapist, my mother was very critical because I first started really telling her about what I was experiencing in that process.

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And I just wanted her support.

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And so because I was able to express to her that I needed that help, I think that she knew what I needed and got a better understanding of it because unless I express myself, she's not going to be able to know how to help me.

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And then, you know, when I started sharing more information with her about my therapy sessions because I was so excited, I was the first time that I had dedicated space to talk about my feelings.

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I told her everything.

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I said the therapist said this and you know, I said that and there were things that the therapist who she she felt that I needed to stand up to my mother and my culture and probably many other cultures.

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That's not really something you can do.

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But I try to find a way to still advocate for myself by setting boundaries.

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And so acknowledging that while I did want her to be part of my experience and my journey, it didn't mean that I had to tell her every single detail.

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And so I was able to share what I wanted, let her feel be part of my life and continue getting that support.

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Even now, I'm still working on boundaries with my mother.

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She is.

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She has gone through a lot over the past 15 years, and so I try to be there for her as much as I can.

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At the same time, I have my own mental health struggles as well as my own responsibilities.

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And so making sure that I'm expressing my boundaries and expressing what I can and cannot do, I think is important.

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And if you have that discussion prior rather than at the moment when you have to say, oh, I can't do this right now.

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If I tell her OK, this is how things are going for me, I won't be able to do this or that.

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Just letting you know, give you a heads up, telling you ahead of time.

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And so I think that that helps in the relationship that I have with her.

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So while I was going through the process of learning more about my mental health and getting support and taking medication, I was able to look more into my advocacy.

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I wanted to see if there was something I could do because over the years I was focusing I, I decided I would be an activist.

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And so I started focusing on body image issues, reproductive rights, domestic violence, all things that pertain to me and many others.

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And something that I had experienced personally.

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And then it was around 2013 when I decided that I wanted to be a mental health activist.

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I wanted to talk about mental health because I realized that in all the things that I was doing, mental health was a really big part of each of those things.

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And so I went and decided to go online again, doing my research, educating myself.

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I went online and looked at different mental health organizations, was looking up different mental, mental health conditions and variety of things.

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And so in the process, I started volunteering with mental health organizations and I started learning more about what the landscape looked like, what activists were in the field, who was working in the field as those who are using that as their career.

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And so I was able to learn more and connect with a lot of folks.

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And that's when I decided that I wanted to share more of my story.

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After a while, I thought, I I want to do more than that.

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And even during my research, I when I used terms like mental illness, mental health, depression, anxiety, a bunch of other keywords, Google images would pop up as part of the search results.

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And it intrigued me because when I clicked further, I saw that there were a lot of homogeneous representations.

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A lot of the images were either black and white or dark colors.

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Other photos were of people looking absolutely miserable, which I can definitely vouch for those moments.

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However, it's not something that people look like all the time, and I felt like it wasn't an accurate depiction of people's experiences like that.

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And then the thing that I think pushed it even further was that a lot of the photos were of white individuals, and I felt that that was very limiting.

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I felt that it gave this message that only certain people have, let's say, the right to have a mental illness or a mental health condition, that they are the only ones that are human enough.

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There, there are a lot of, there's a lot of bias, there's a lot of racism and discrimination.

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The idea that black individuals don't feel the same pain as others.

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It it's just something that when you think about it, the intersection between one's mental health and their racial identity or their ethnicity.

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I just saw that both of those things together were a part of a much bigger story.

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And so I decided that I wanted to start a photo project where people would share photos of themselves holding a sign.

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They could say whatever they would like.

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And I didn't ask for them to have an official diagnosis because very often people in communities of color don't seek mental health care.

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And so if we don't see a mental health professional or just APCP for mental health health and, and sorry, a primary care physician for mental health, they're not going to get that opportunity to get diagnosed.

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And there, that does not mean at all that their conditions or what they're experiencing is not valid.

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So I, that was not something that I required.

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It took a while for them to for people to share their stories.

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I submitted my own photo just to say that, you know, this is something that pertains to me as well.

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And then I slowly got a lot of different photos.

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So these are some images that were shared with me and I have started this photo project back in 2014.

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So this photo I'll I'll read out what's on the signs.

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Hey, my name is Regina and I'm not always a strong independent black woman because as I'm allowed to feel weak, dependent, anxious, depressed, etcetera.

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My name is Mahela and I'm a Chicana mestiza living with borderline personality disorder.

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My parents don't understand why I can't just be strong like my ancestors and rely on white men's medicines.

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I'm Trenton and I'm battling social anxiety and depression.

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I'm a warrior.

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My name is Catherine and I am not defined by my mental illness, but I am grateful for what it has taught me.

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The next part of the story is that I decided that I wanted to create a book version.

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We can't all assume that everyone has constant or in general Internet access.

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Of course, it was back in 2014, so that was 10 years ago.

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I also acknowledging the time frame photos.

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People would usually use their camera phone.

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Phones weren't as up to date as they are now, and so a lot of the photos were a bit grainy and I felt like it was another dehumanization and another way of not doing justice to the stories.

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And so I decided that I would initiate a Kickstarter campaign and work with the photographer to take photos of individuals, and then I would interview them and just get a sense of their story.

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And so that's what led to The Color of My Mind, where I interviewed 36 individuals and I was able to really get a wonderful mix of stories.

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And I think a lot of times when growing up, it always was, oh, you know, only why people go through this.

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And so if you're going through it, then that means it must be something wrong with you.

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And I wanted to be able to make these photos accessible to those who ideally the book would be in a doctor's office or a college counseling center and also on in people's houses where they could go to their family and say, look, this isn't something that only some people go through.

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This is something that we all have the, the ability, capacity or whatever of, of being able to experience this.

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And so I think it would be a way to start conversations with one's family to talk about mental health.

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So there's really, there's been so much that's happened in my family, not only the loss, but also the impact of the loss on particularly my mother.

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She, she lost both parents in a short amount of time.

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In addition to that, she, we also lost the family dog between those two deaths.

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So it was just, it was overwhelming and it was at a point it was just too much.

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And even before the deaths, I I saw that my mother wasn't getting help.

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He had never seen a therapist before.

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He just didn't want to get help.

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She didn't think that she could get help by speaking to a therapist.

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And I just have seen so much of her life that could have been different, that could have been proved if she had paid more attention to her mental health or sought support.

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And support and treatment looks different for everyone.

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I just wanted her to have at least talked about these issues so that she could get support somehow make changes in her life, take certain steps so that she could live a better quality of life.

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And it it's just really sad to see how that has impacted her and how she is just so unhappy.

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And I just think what her life would have been if she had gotten that support and that if she had gone to therapy and talked about all these issues.

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And so for me, I, I have the sense of like, what are we waiting for?

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Like what what needs to happen for us to really seek out that support?

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And I know that there are limitations.

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I know there are, there are barriers and lack of accessibility when it comes to mental health, But there are different ways that we can seek mental health support, not only with friends and family.

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There's also different healing practices from our culture that we can use.

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But as long as we're doing something to address our mental health, I think that's the most important thing.

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And so I'm constantly thinking about my mother and saying, like, what is she waiting for?

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Like I'm here, I'm there to support her.

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We're actually going to start family therapy next week, which I'm very excited for.

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It's been years coming.

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And so I guess we're no longer waiting.

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We're actually going to go ahead and do this.

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Hopefully she sticks with it.

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So I saw a quote that I thought was so perfect for and I, and I don't know who made this quote, but it just, it was such a good representation of just how, you know, communities of color.

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There's a sense that pain is a rite of passage, that it's something that you have to go through because it's just something where like you have to pay your dues.

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And that's not necessarily something that I believe in.

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We, we shouldn't have to be going through pain.

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We shouldn't have to suffer.

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Life can be one where there is a lot of suffering, but if we can find ways to get through it, to be able to connect with others and get that help, I think that's so important.

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And so for me, it's this quote that says heal.

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So we don't have another generation of trauma passing itself off as culture.

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I, I'm not, I don't want to be proud of my trauma.

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I don't want to be so focused on the trauma that I've gone through.

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Like, I want to tackle it.

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I want to address it, but I also want to move forward.

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And so that's just something that I just think about very often and just think about how communities of color go through so much.

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And I, I just don't want promo to be such a huge part of our story.

31:45
So I just want to thank you so much for listening to me, to hearing what I've experienced.

31:51
And I'm really looking forward to having this fireside chat with Claire.

31:56
So thank you so much.

32:07
Thank you, Dior, so glad to be back with you and just want to reiterate my personal thanks and thanks on behalf of the audience for, you know, sharing this glimpse into to your personal story and for the many helpful the tools, the self advocacy, you know, lessons that are really based on on your experience.

32:27
And for me, it's, it's really in particular, in particular, powerful to hear that your healing journey is continuing and you have this next phase with your mother that you mentioned, which I'm I look forward to for you and for your family to continue that journey.

32:44
I do want to take a moment do and I know that, you know, we have a shared perspective here to just further acknowledge the really sensitive topics that you've been so vulnerable and sharing today.

32:55
And I, I want to recognize also that many of our audience members can relate to a lot of what you've discussed.

33:02
And I want to remind our audience to take care of themselves, do what they need to.

33:06
As our conversation progresses, should certain topics feel difficult or triggering and just, you know, continue to make that a priority as well and a safe space.

33:17
So again, you, you've shared so many learnings.

33:19
Dior, I know our group today has some really great questions.

33:23
We've had some questions coming in.

33:25
I do want to just start off with a couple that were submitted in advance and then we'll go to some of our live questions.

33:33
The first one we have here is what advice would you give to someone who is struggling to communicate their mental health needs to either their family or even perhaps their workplace for the very first time if that's not something that they've ever disclosed before?

33:50
Yeah, absolutely.

33:51
So when it comes to family, I think that there are a few ways that you can go about it.

33:58
But prior to bringing up that conversation, I think it's important to really do a lot of self reflection, try to figure out what am I feeling?

34:08
What am I going through?

34:10
It's kind of goes alongside the educate part of the process where if you have all of this information, it can be helpful for when you do have the conversation.

34:21
And so when you also when it comes to preparing for that conversation, I think it's important to really get an understanding of what is my ultimate goal here?

34:33
How, What am I hoping to get out of this conversation?

34:37
Also being realistic and knowing that this won't happen in just one conversation, that it will happen in several.

34:47
Not every conversation is going to be a home run or, or anything like that, but I think it's just having the patience when it comes to to having those and also knowing who your audience is acknowledging, OK, this is the person I'm talking to.

35:05
This is the person that will act this way or hear me in in this way.

35:13
And and so it's just another thing that'll help you prepare.

35:18
So going back to just me having a script for my mom, I think was was very helpful for me.

35:27
And so after you do all of that self reflection and you figure out what you're willing and feel safe to tell people when you're having these conversations, it's also important to really have a, a quiet space or just a, a space where it's just the two of you.

35:50
So a few ways that you can go by having the conversation is you could maybe relate it to a story on the news.

35:59
Of course, thinking about different generations, if you know the person you're talking to is a regular on social media versus like, you know, older generation who strictly watches the news, figure out what kind of story that you would like to connect it to.

36:15
So if there is a celebrity that has come out about their mental health and maybe your loved 1 is a fan of theirs, bringing that up and saying, oh, this individual was really courageous for telling their story.

36:32
You know, also trying to get a temperature check on how they react to it.

36:38
You may have already an understanding of how they think about mental health.

36:41
But I think that that also helps with getting an idea when it comes to having the conversations.

36:46
And then another way you can go about it is by having conversations about your loved ones experiences.

36:55
So it can be very simple questions like, oh, you know, tell me more about this specific part of your childhood.

37:04
Did you go through this or that or did you ever have issues with your mom?

37:11
They are parents or sibling.

37:14
And once they start sharing their their story, I think that's when you can slowly get a bit of where you might be able to start the conversation with them about mental health.

37:25
And then I also just think it's really it's, it's great that someone like people usually like to share their experiences or, or like to express themselves.

37:36
And so it kind of puts them in creates a sense of agency for them, but also puts them in the so-called driver's seat.

37:45
And then the last one I would say is to just, if you are going to go straight into your own story, I think it's important to frame it as I want to include you in my life.

37:57
I want you to be part of my life.

38:00
And so there there is that that mission that you have in the conversation.

38:05
You know, your loved ones do want to know about you.

38:08
They want to know how they can help.

38:09
And so if you can frame it that way, it's not as as scary.

38:16
Maybe also just being aware of the certain language you use that in the sense that, you know, you have to use like medical terms or anything like that, but just seeing what is digestible or amenable to them if they will start shutting down.

38:33
When you say like suicidal ideation, you know, you could say things like I had suicidal thoughts or I felt like I didn't want to be in this world anymore.

38:45
So there's so many things to factor in, even just like giving, just having these thoughts is just a lot of work.

38:53
But it's worth it.

38:54
And it's something that will benefit you and your family and hopefully make you feel closer when it comes to the workplace.

39:04
And that's a much more scarier thing because it is your livelihood.

39:09
It does pay your bills.

39:11
And you also can have your own social life at work.

39:14
It's not strictly getting your to do's done.

39:17
And so when it's the workplace, again, the whole thing of educating yourself, see what resources are at your company, if it's EAP or if it's something related to EEO or maybe there's like a work site Wellness sort of initiative at your job.

39:38
Just try to see what is available to you.

39:41
And then also again with the self reflection, if my mental health is impacting my work, what are some changes that either I can make or that the company can assist me in making so that I feel more confident in being able to accomplish my tasks?

39:58
Because you are not the problem if you are.

40:02
Having specific needs, that's not, it's valid.

40:06
It's not something that you should feel ashamed about.

40:09
When it comes to EEO and accommodations.

40:13
When I was in college and of course it's a school, but I didn't know that they were accommodations available to me.

40:18
And so I struggled very much.

40:21
I had a low GPA and if I had known that they were tools there to make me the best version of myself, it, it was in there.

40:28
I just didn't know and I didn't, I wasn't able to use the tools that were available to me.

40:34
So checking and seeing what accommodations are available, there are a bunch of different ways you can go about it.

40:41
If you need some time to, you know, go to doctor's visits.

40:49
So if there's like a flexible schedule that you can have or if you need a quieter space to do your work, maybe if you need more time to work from home, there are so many different things.

41:02
And I think that that is one way to go about it.

41:05
Because sometimes if you do speak that support and start talking about your experiences, I think some people will rush to say, OK, well, what is the solution?

41:15
Like what are the next steps?

41:16
And so if you have those ready, that also helps people help you.

41:22
And just wonder if there's anything else about the workplace.

41:26
I think that, you know, make sure that you find an ally on your team or, you know, in another group in, in your company so that you have someone there that you can connect with because it is really helpful to be able to go back and forth with them.

41:45
You can ask them like, oh, was I overreacting?

41:48
Or sometimes you'll doubt yourself.

41:49
And so if you have someone who's an ally who can validate what you're experiencing and be there support you, I think that's, that's really helpful.

41:57
And of course it depends on your boss and then your supervisor, but also just getting an idea of how they would react and how best to go about having those conversations again, knowing your audience.

42:13
Great, thank you.

42:14
And I just want to continue on that sort of workplace thread for a moment.

42:18
You, you mentioned a couple things that folks can be aware of, look out for, ask about specifically wondering if there are any really effective, perhaps creative outside the box types of, you know, support systems that you are aware of that are occurring in some corporate settings.

42:38
Just to give our audience some ideas for things they might implement.

42:42
Is there anything that you've seen that really genuinely helps employees manage their, their mental health that you would recommend folks consider?

42:50
Yeah.

42:50
I think that it's important to start from the top and really encourage senior leadership to share their own experiences because if it's you, it, you have to, it's something that has to be modelled for you to be able to feel comfortable sharing and talking about.

43:10
And so if there can be this culture of, I can't say safety because people have different definitions of safety, But if there is a culture that is open and understanding to people's various conditions or the things that they're going through or their mental health conditions, I think that is a really good be getting to it.

43:32
Some places have meditation rooms or different spaces where people can be in a quiet area, maybe to just walk away from their desk and not look at the computer or maybe they had a stressful call and they just want to be able to decompress.

43:49
Sometimes companies will give people stipends specifically for mental health or Wellness as well as creating a mental health day.

44:00
So sick days is one thing.

44:02
Mental health is is different.

44:04
And so if you are acknowledging that people would need a mental health day, I think that is also very important if it's available, but also making sure that you not only have that, but that you promote it because there's so many times where people have resources, but they don't even know how to go about it.

44:24
Having various workshops that talk about these issues or having trainings.

44:31
Also maybe doing mental health first aid.

44:33
Of course, you know, there are varying opinions on it, but it's always good to just try something out and create that space where people will be more open about their mental health.

44:47
Yeah, I think that that is a good amount of things that people can do, having events like these at their companies, having someone come and share their lived experience, create the sense of vulnerability where people can share what they've gone through.

45:04
Also, you know, when I have some conversations like these, I usually try to source information and knowledge from the audience because I'm not the only expert.

45:15
I'm the expert of my experience, but each and every person is an expert of their own lives and each person is knowledgeable and has information that they can share with others, whether it be an app or a practice that they do every so often.

45:32
It's important that we create those spaces where people can say like, oh, this really helped for my mental health or I think this might help you because of whatever situation you're dealing with.

45:44
So also relying on others, not only leadership, but also on yourselves, because we also can't wait for others to, to get the conversation going.

45:57
I have really, really important point.

45:58
Thank you for noting that and the uniqueness, individuality of of each experience.

46:04
And you know, in your story you talked a little bit about how very early on in your life, you know, you were starting to navigate your experience with with mental illness, with mental health and to kind of connect that to the youth experience in general and how we can support youth.

46:25
We did have one question submission for someone who worked from someone who works for an organization that provides Youth Services.

46:32
So the specific question is noting that in their work, they see a lot of what's called restraint collapse, where kids struggle to regulate because they've been masking their mental health by being at school all day or their mental health, you know, struggles or challenges.

46:50
So what advice might you have for, for school staff or for, you know, youth working staff to help validate and support kids, youth adolescents when they're when they're experiencing that?

47:06
Yeah, that's, that's really tough.

47:08
And I think that when it comes to mental health and youth it, it's very, very taxing.

47:14
And I also think with the creation of social media, it, it, there's just so much that people feel like they have to do that they have to become.

47:25
And so I think the first thing, because you can have these resources, but I think it's about the mindset of of the people who are providing the support.

47:38
If you are a mental professional social worker, it's more likely that you will think this way anyway.

47:46
But just to acknowledge that, you know, children are young adults, They, they are their own person, not to be patronizing, to acknowledge that, yes, they may have only lived 14 years, however, that's what they have to work with.

48:06
And so whatever they've experienced that carries as much weight as maybe something that you've experienced in the sense that it's going to have an impact on them.

48:17
A lot of times it's like, oh, you're, you're 12, you don't know what it is to suffer.

48:20
Like that's very invalidating.

48:22
And so if you just acknowledge that they are their own person, they're the expert of their own experience, of course, you know, there's, there's only so much that you can know at a young age in terms of where you can get support.

48:36
But it's just, it's just really important to acknowledge that these are human beings and they deserve that, that sense of encouragement and that sense of agency.

48:49
I think that that is something that I would have loved to have received when I was younger, but I think a lot like specifically in New York City, because that's my own town where I live now, they are getting more mental health professionals in the, in the schools, specifically public schools, they have connections with organizations, I believe they're called Community Schools, where the school is connected with an organization and they're able to provide services for children.

49:18
I know that they are also providing, I think it's Talkspace, the mental health app for students.

49:25
And so just making sure that there are those resources available for them maybe setting some time during the school day to have that free period to be able to to get support it it.

49:40
It's different though, because, you know, budgets when it comes to school, it can be very rough.

49:46
But I think simply just trying to speak their own language, understand where they're coming from.

49:52
Also seeing them as entirely like the whole human beings.

49:56
They're not just a student at the school.

49:58
They are coming from a culture, from an experience, from so many different avenues.

50:04
And also acknowledging who they are in the sense that they're the intersectionality of their experiences, how discrimination, how racism, how socioeconomic status has an impact on their health.

50:19
So there's, there's a lot to to keep in mind when it comes to addressing youth mental health.

50:28
Yeah, thank you so much.

50:29
And, and what a taxing position to be in, as you mentioned, for folks to need to continue to practice that self-care too, right.

50:37
And caring for the caregiver and making sure their own mental health is cared for.

50:44
I want to move on to kind of this leadership concept a little bit Dior because one of our guests here mentioned some feelings of burnout and just kind of navigating that.

50:55
So they specifically noted as a disability advocate, I tend to take on more leadership roles within the groups or coalition's I'm a part of.

51:03
As a result, it feels like a lot of added responsibility.

51:07
I'm paraphrasing and I often get burnt out which can exacerbate my own mental health challenges.

51:13
So as a fellow leader, do you have recommendations for navigating situations like this to really maintain, sustain, you know, this type of work while also caring for yourself?

51:28
I would say that it's important to say no when you are giving like.

51:34
And of course if you've already said yes and you're already deep into it, then you have to navigate that aspect.

51:39
But if there are new things that are coming in and you're like, oh, I would love to be a part of it's really like, you know, in disability community, the number of spoons that you have, like how many spoons do I have left?

51:49
Like, is this something that I can take on?

51:52
Is there something else that maybe I can take a break from and take this new project on?

51:57
So not adding any more, but subtracting and, and acknowledging and, and setting a schedule for yourself where you block parts of your time where it's like, I am going to just watch TV or I'm going to have one of my favorite meals.

52:14
It just blocking that time I think is really important.

52:18
Saying no and not feeling guilty about it.

52:21
Like it's, it's OK if you can't take this leadership role or be part of an organization in the way that you would like to.

52:30
There are different ways you can go about it and it doesn't mean that just because you say no now that you can't say yes later.

52:39
Be compassionate with yourself.

52:41
I find it very hard to be compassionate with myself and I think it's we have to practice what we preach and really take our needs seriously.

52:52
We hear about wearing the air mask and putting it on 1st when you're on an airplane.

52:57
Like you, if you want to be useful to your community, you have to take care of yourself.

53:04
Otherwise, I I don't want to say the word useless, but like you will be of no use to anyone If you are overcome with, you know, a cold or with the flu or just like utter exhaustion.

53:20
You know, we need you.

53:21
We like this is like you're you're a shoulder and shoulder.

53:28
I always make that mess up a soldier and you know, you're part of this.

53:32
And so we need you to be there to be well slept.

53:38
So definitely think about it as how is this going to help me reach my goal of helping others?

53:45
I just have to take care of myself.

53:47
It's it's hard, but you know, I'll just do do what you can and don't feel guilty.

53:53
And it's not and something bad about you or a lacking on your part if you can't take everything on.

54:03
Like there's only so much a human being can take on and it's OK.

54:10
So Dior, we're almost to time it's flown by.

54:14
I'm sorry to report that 'cause we have so many wonderful questions still coming in.

54:18
But I think we'll we'll move to our last question here.

54:21
And I just want to note that this is really perhaps for allies and advocates to be thinking about what advice would you give to someone who maybe has suspicions that someone in their life or concerns someone in their life is is struggling with with their mental health?

54:40
What are some ways that ally advocate, loved one friend, Co worker could reach out to support someone and really, you know, be that, be that voice, be that support to help them navigate in that situation?

55:00
Yeah, I think that being prepared for that conversation, it could go one way.

55:07
It can go another way.

55:08
And so to to be to be prepared to make sure you take care of yourself before that conversation.

55:16
I also think being ready with some examples of how you can support the individual.

55:21
Often times, and I do this sometimes where you know, someone will say, oh, look, how can I support you?

55:27
And if you're going through something, it's like, I have no idea, Like I, I can't tell you one thing you can do to help me.

55:33
But if you come with some examples of like, look, this is what I can do.

55:37
A lot of times when people want to ask for help, they don't want to be a burden.

55:41
They don't want to put too much on another individual.

55:44
But if you already have these examples and say, look, this is what my capacity is.

55:48
And this I know I can do for you.

55:51
I can come over and, you know, we'll watch movie order take out, or I can order groceries for you, or we can go out and I don't know, do anything.

56:03
But it just gives them that sense that like, OK, these things I can easily pick from.

56:10
And also trying to learn as much as you can about mental health, but also acknowledging that what's, you know, textbook isn't going to apply to every single person.

56:22
So knowing that there are nuances, having some mental health resources that are available that are culturally sensitive.

56:31
There's Latinx therapy, there's therapy for black girls.

56:35
There's a variety of of things that you can come with that is as tailored as possible to the person you want to help.

56:45
And, and just by starting the conversation, just saying like, how are you doing?

56:49
Or I've noticed that you've done this and that or acted differently.

56:55
And you know, if it comes to a point where they're you suspect suicidal ideation, just ask.

57:04
Don't be afraid of bringing it up.

57:07
There were times where people would ask me about my mental health.

57:13
That's one thing.

57:14
But when they actually said, are you thinking of ending your life, that was when I felt the most seen.

57:23
That was when I was like, oh, whoa.

57:25
I was like, all right, this I'm not hiding this.

57:27
And they're creating this outlet for me where I can say, yeah, yeah, I haven't been feeling well or, or any of these other things.

57:38
And also asking if they do have these thoughts, if they have a plan, there's, there's a lot to go into it, but I think just think the fact that you're thinking about this, about how you want to help others, please, like that is not lost on folks.

57:57
Like I think that's really a beautiful thing to want to support a loved one who has been struggling with their mental health.

58:05
But I think those are just some ways that you can go about it and have a good conversation.

58:13
Thank you for that.

58:14
I think those are really helpful tips for us to end on.

58:16
And just want to thank you again, Dior.

58:20
It's been so lovely having you here hearing your story.

58:23
There's so many wonderful comments to you in the chat and in our Q&A that will be sure to get your way.

58:30
And I think, you know, one of the biggest takeaways from today too, is how much power there is and vulnerability.

58:36
So I appreciate you reinforcing that theme.

58:41
I do want to thank our audience for joining us today.

58:45
You know your continued support, but for joining programs like this and being a part of Disability Lead, it really helps us advance our mission.

58:53
And you can extend that support.

58:55
If you'd like to consider donating to Disability Lead, there is a link in the chat.

58:59
If you'd like to explore that option.

59:02
You can also, as mentioned earlier, you can support our continued efforts by spreading the word about our 2025 Institute for Emerging Leaders with Disabilities.

59:12
Again, recruitment is open now.

59:14
Applications are welcomed, so check out that link as well.

59:18
And finally, I do want to invite you all to take a few moments to complete our program feedback survey to let us know about your experience today so we can keep providing impactful programs for you.

59:31
And the link to that survey is also in the chat.

59:34
So stay tuned For more information about our next Disability Power series.

59:39
The next one will be coming up in December.

59:42
Until then, again, thank you, Dior, thank you to our access service providers.

59:47
Thank you all for joining.

59:49
We hope you'll stay connected with us at disabilitylead.org.

59:53
And thank you for your support and for sharing in our vision of a region where people with disabilities lead with power and influence.

1:00:01
Thank you and I hope everybody enjoys their afternoon.

1:00:04
Take care.

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